and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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