Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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