my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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