i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
