Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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