you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
