you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
