i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
