I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
