You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
