'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
