it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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