Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
