I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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