You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
