I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
