This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
