You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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