3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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