I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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