Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
