mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
