i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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