i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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