I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize