I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nicole vs. Life
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
