i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
