I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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