12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
