this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Shame is for Republicans.
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