1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
