Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
