she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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