Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
