I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
