What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
