Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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