marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
