Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
