just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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