my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
