Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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