I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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