o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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