fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
