Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
