My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
