I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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