I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize