dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
