i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
