I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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