I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
