When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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