Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
