Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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