why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
