I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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