Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
