Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize