You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
