I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
