As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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