i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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