were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize