i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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