you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
