Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
