i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
