What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
