Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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