oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize