oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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