a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize