i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
