oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
These tits shall not be calmed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
