Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
