I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
