i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
