My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
