Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
