About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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