ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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