Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
