Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
