Whatcha textin bout Willis?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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