Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
