so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
