There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
