He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
