so that wasnt chicken after all
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
