sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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