Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
