Hey man sorry I got all grabby
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
