I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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