I think I just saw someone hide a body.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize