he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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