I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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