I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
