just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
